Nobody Likes to be Ass Fucked

So I was just going to let Brian have the Left 4 Dead blog but with it being Halloween and all, and with my hate being so great for this game, I cannot resist. The problem is where do I start; and do I even fucking waste the time giving credit where credit is due?

I suppose I will start with the good, what little bit there is. Left 4 Dead has solid gameplay and controls. There you go, that is it.

What, were you expecting more? Like what about how the zombies constantly generate in a new place every time. Are you fucking kidding me? Is it mentally fucking possible to even remember where each zombie would generate from considering the mass amount that flock you at any given moment. Come on we are not playing Mario Brothers on the NES anymore. We have advanced enough to make sure that there is enough content in a game anymore to make it almost impossible to remember where enemies come from, regardless if it is random or not. Right or wrong, and that alone is not the only shit that was weak as hell in the game though.

Next we have the major lack of weaponry and the similarity and repetitiveness of every goddamn level. Does anyone remember in Clerks 2 when Randal described the story of the Lord of the Rings in about 1 minute? Well I will do the same but in about 10 seconds. Here we go. We start at the beginning, fill our ammo and fight for a health pack if we are playing co-op, regardless if you are out of health and almost dead, start running and shooting, and finally get to the last door, hopefully before some asshole closes it on you, and then repeat again. Fun right? Then there are the weapons. Talk about a huge let down, only 4 weapons and some grenades. Fuck the fact that the weapons are upgradeable; a fucking Uzi is a fucking Uzi. And really we should say that there are only 3 guns because who really tries to use the sniper rifle when you are being gang raped by a hundred zombies. Because of that this is how Left 4 Dead made me feel, gang raped for $60 worth of bullshit.

But we were all taught that we should learn from our mistakes. Hopefully Valve got this same life lesson at one point in time. In less than 3 weeks Left 4 Dead 2 will hit the shelves. Will I buy it though? No, but I am definitely going to rent it. I believe that everyone should get a second chance. Like I said the gameplay and controls were real good. If they add more weapons and change up the levels a little, then I think that Valve will have a real solid game on their hands. Lastly I didn’t think I should bring this up but should I mention that fact that Left 4 Dead 2 is probably nothing more than promised DLC for the original Left 4 Dead. Who else feels like this is a gang rapping? Let me know by commenting back.

-Brian R.

Zombies Ate my Neighbors

I was 8 years old when my Dad showed me Night of the Living Dead. I had never experienced actual fear until that point in my life. When I went to go to sleep that night all I could think about was what I would do if there was a zombie outbreak. Since then I have fallen in love with most things zombie related. A lot of people have. And because of this, zombies are popping up all over the place. And people are eating up all the bullshit. Anything with a zombie on it is automatic gold these days it seems. Though not as trendy and topical as vampires, the general consensus is that zombies are "in" right now. And leading the zombie army on the video game front is the wildly popular Left 4 Dead and soon to be released sequel.

If you think I'm about to suck this game's dick and sing it's praises, you're wrong. I honestly don't see what the big deal is. I will say up front that I have only had about a half hour with the PC version. I'd been super excited to check it out for months and when I finally got the opportunity, I was completely underwhelmed. It was just an FPS. The zombies were intense, but there was nothing truly scary. It was fast and...uh...there were a lot of zombies onscreen at once. But no matter what, I always felt like I was constantly just spinning in circles firing blindly at the ridiculous masses of zombies.

There's nothing that makes Left 4 Dead feel like legit zombie survival experience. Throwing a ton of zombies at me isn't going to scare me any more than if I was being swarmed by a hundred of anything. If 100 chickens were running at me, I would be equally scared. Personally I think that the Nazi Zombie mode in Call of Duty: World at War is the best zombie survival game I have ever played. In Nazi Zombies you're holed up in some small area fighting off waves of zombies as you rebuild barriers over windows and try to upgrade your guns.. You're fighting for your survival in a place you can't escape from..kinda sounds like Night of the Living Dead actually. Or Dawn of the Dead. Or Day of the Dead. And that's the way it should feel. Left 4 Dead has you running and gunning through a lot of zombie infested cities...kind of like Land of the Dead. And you know what? Nobody likes Land of the Dead better than Night, Dawn, or Day.

Essentially Left 4 Dead and Nazi Zombies are doing the same thing. You have four maps to choose from. You can play with 3 other people online. You fight waves of zombies with various guns. Unfortunately I never felt like I was up against a zombie horde in Left 4 Dead. I felt like I was shooting a bunch of zombies trying to get to the end of a level. Little things make a difference as well. For example, Left 4 Dead technically has 8 weapons whereas, depending on the map, you'll have at least 15 weapons available in Nazi Zombies. Left 4 Dead gives you infinite ammo on your pistol and you can dual wield them as well. There's no infinite ammo in Nazi Zombies so you always feel that every shot counts. Nazi Zombies is basically a mini game and it's better than Left 4 Dead.

I can't be the only person who has figured this out. Anyone agree? Disagree? Are you planning on picking up Left 4 Dead 2? Comment or tweet us and let me know! Also check back later in the week because I'm gonna be playing the hell out of surprise halloween themed game for a special review!

-Brian T