another subliminally pro-saturn entry

I want you to stop for a second and think about how many different game controllers you have actually held and played with for different consoles over the years. Go as far back as you can remember. You didn't have to own the game console, but if a friend did, it counts. Keep in mind that the Genesis, Saturn, XBOX, PSX, PS3, NeoGeo CD, and many others actually had TWO distinctly different controllers. I have used 18 different controllers for home consoles. 18. That's a lot of controllers. The strangest thing though is how little they've actually changed.If you think about it, controllers basically took 2 paths. There is a Nintendo path...and there is a Sega path. Both Nintendo and Sega started with extremely similar-looking controllers for the NES and Master System respectively. But when the two launched their 16-bit consoles, the real innovation began. Let's start with the Genesis. First Sega released the 3 button pad, establishing contour and the "boomerang" shape that is still prevalent today. They soon released a six-button version that, while smaller, made all games (especially fighters) easily playable on the Genesis.

Nintendo came out of the gate with an awesome controller with the SNES as well. It had triggers and the 4 face buttons were arranged in a diamond shape. Moving along the timeline, this diamond-shaped controller and basic SNES design should be noted when you consider how Sony got into the console business. For those of you who don't know, Sony was originally hired by Nintendo to create a disc-based add-on for the SNES to compete with the Sega CD. Upon the Sega CD's massive failure, Nintendo basically fired Sony and decided to stick with cartridges for the N64. Sony took what they'd been working on and and made it into the Playstation...which destroyed the N64 without mercy. The funny thing is though, the original Playstion controller was basically identical to the SNES controller. It added another set of triggers and the exaggerated boomerang shape, but even the diamond-shaped button layout was the same. Hell, the Dualshock 3 is essentially an SNES controller with analog sticks attached if you squint at it hard enough.

Sega, on the other hand, stuck with the 6 button route, added triggers, and created a controller that many argue was FAR more comfortable than the PSX controller for the Saturn. When they released Nights, they also launched a new 3D controller with an analog stick which essentially became the Dreamcast controller. Just in the same way that the Dualshock 3 is an SNES controller, the XBOX 360 controller can be traced directly back to the Genesis just by looking at it. The basic shape and contour match and the analog stick placement is identical to the Saturn/DC controllers.

Nintendo basically decided when they launched the N64 that they were never going to made a good controller again so they released the horribly designed N64 controller which many games required you to have to jump back and forth between the d-pad and the stupidly placed analog stick. While fans of Goldeneye swear it's a great controller, everyone else realized it sucked. It also started Nintendo's trend of making their buttons whatever the fuck and size and shape they want. The Gamecube controller is a disgusting little mess and as much as Nintendo is once again trying to revolutionize controllers with the Wii, that controller pretty much sucks too for most practical games.

It's interesting to note that while I grew up mostly on Sega systems and the Saturn controller is my favorite controller of all time, I actually find the Dualshock 3 to be the best controller on the market despite the fact that I was never a huge fan of the SNES design. What about you guys? I'm curious to see if people who grew up on Sega systems prefer the 360 controller and if SNES owners prefer the Dualshock 3. Comment back and let me know!

-Brian T.

Next Gen Console Hardware: "Failed"

Like I was starting to say before Brian T. swooped in and exploited my sexuality; you would think that with the advancement of technology today we would not be seeing the failure of next gen consoles like we do. For instance my Sega Genesis worked flawlessly up until I sold it, and I am pretty sure that it is still working today if it was taken care of. I never had a problem with my NES except for the pins wearing out from heavy usage. That is to be expected though and it is not a direct result of hardware failure, but with newer consoles though it is the complete opposite. Recently I read that 60% of UK Xbox 360 owners surveyed have experienced some sort of hardware failure. That is a staggering number, which to me is unacceptable. I myself have experience hardware failure, 2 times with 360’s and twice with Nintendo DS lites.

First let me start by saying what happened with my 360’s because these were the ones that are really comical and painful at the same time. FYI, I am on my 3rd 360 now. So I got my first 360 in the Summer of 2006. From the first minute it always seemed load, but everything I read and everyone I talked to said it was normal. Eventually after about a year and a half it got to the point that it was loud enough to hear it upstairs in the bedrooms. So after about a year and a couple of E74 errors I decided to call Microsoft. The conversation got to the point that I asked the technician if he wanted to hear the sound my system was making and he said sure. After turning it on and him hearing it I was quickly asked if there were any smoke or flames emitting from the unit. All I could do was laugh, and was told since it was two weeks out of its original 1 year manufacturer’s warranty I would have to pay $100 to have it fixed. That’s bullshit if you ask me so I put it up on eBay.

My second 360 was yet another console sporting the Zephyr chipset. I got a good run out of it, until it finally red ringed on me on November 9th, 2009. And if anyone recognizes that date it is the day before Modern Warfare 2 launched. So of course I instantly went in to panic mode. And in case if you don’t know there are 2 ways that a 360 can red ring. One is a prolonged period of different sorts of malfunctions, and the other is just a sudden 3 red rings with no warning what so ever. Mine was the latter of the 2. And if you go to Wikipedia here it will show you a list of all of the different sorts of failures that can be experienced with the red rings. I experienced them all. Since my 360 still would kind of work I decided to trade it in to Gamestop and upgrade to an Elite. Long story short, I take it to Gamestop, he turns it on, goes to play a game and it freezes. Then he turns it off and turns it back on and sure enough it red ringed right in front of him. So I got screwed on the trade in price but ended up with a new Elite that is quieter and cooler than any 360 I have owned.

Finally we move on to Nintendo DS Lite. I have had two that have failed on me. The first one the display went bad and by bad I mean that the picture was pixilated. The second would only charge if the unit was on. As soon as I would turn it off it would stop charging. Both times I was able to warranty it out and have it replaced with a “new” refurbished unit.

So I guess the gist of this blog is to hear if anyone else has had any of their own misfortunes with any of their consoles. It seems that these failures are becoming more and more common. I am also curious to know if you have, how was your experience with their customer service? For me Nintendo hands down had the best service. They sent me a new unit before I had to send in the broken one, which is better because that way I do not have to wait for them to get the unit, check it out, make a decision to repair it or replace it, and then send it out. Microsoft should consider taking this approach because with the sheer number of 360’s that fail, it would only be fair to us the consumers.

-Brian R.

flower POWER!!!

I feel as though the world of gaming journalism, as well as the gaming community have all let me down. Apparently, a little game called Flower was released in the Playstation Store on February of this year and nobody thought to tell me. To be fair, the only thing I really cared about on February 2nd was the imminent release of Street Fighter 4 so I'm sure I had tunnel vision when it came to games that didn't have hadoukens. I can easily see how this title could slip by unnoticed, forever forgotten by all but a small few...but I refuse to let that happen. This game is fucking amazing and everyone with a PS3 should play it at least once.I was watching the X-play Video Game Awards show last night and I kept seeing this game nominated for different awards. I thought to myself "How the hell is this game getting nominated for so many awards when I've never read or heard a single review on it?" I remember seeing it in the Playstation Store while browsing and I vaguely remember seeing a screenshot when Game Informer previewed it earlier this year in the DLC column, but that's it. So I decided to go ahead and just download it on a whim.

Wow. I literally started laughing to myself within 10 minutes of playing this game because it was blowing my mind. The question "Are video games art?" has been answered and the answer is a strong, confident FUCK YES. All you essentially do is control the wind using the Sixaxis controller and any button of your choice as you blow petals off of flowers in vast, richly-detailed natural environments. When you blow a petal off of a flower, it blooms and you accumulate more petals onto your windstream. The more flowers you cause to bloom, the more life is restored to the world. If this sounds like an extremely abstract description of the fantastic Okami (PS2/Wii), then I guess you would be far off. And the comparison is a welcome one. The visuals are quite often awe-inducing. The music is phenomenal and works in many ways like the game REZ (DC/PS2) where your actions in the game directly control the music. For example, whenever you pick up a petal a chime or a piano note may play. Continue picking up strings of petals and you will add entire arrangements to the music that are always perfectly in time and perfectly in tune.

There is one drawback that may turn some people off from this game though and I should probably address it. Like many original downloadable titles, this game is short. Apparently you can complete the game and unlock all the trophies in under 5 hours of play. I find this to be completely justifiable considering the price is only $9.99. Most new games are $59.99 and give you an average of 20 hours of play, so in actuality you're getting a pretty awesome deal. I used this same reasoning to convince everyone I knew to download the WiiWare game Lost Winds. Trust me, you won't be complaining about the price or length once you actually sit down and play it and can appreciate what this game is all about.

I know I'm almost a year late on this one, but better late than never. Go download and play Flower right now. I gotta go try to squeeze a few minutes of play in before work...

-Brian T

Is it Gay to Get a Blow J From Another Man

You would think that with the advancement in today’s technology, somebody would have invented an authentic virtual reality experience that simulates another man giving you, the player, an intense blowjob. Many of you may remember in the 90’s when rumble vests hit the market. These vests would basically just vibrate in the same way that controllers do today, but at the time, the vests were marketed as authentic accessories that could simulate every punch taken in Mortal Kombat and every cumshot to the chest taken in the hard to find N64 classic “Cumshot City: Wet and Wild”.



What I, Brian Rossi, would like to know is…when are we going to get a next-gen update that will finally allow me to live my true gaming fantasy of getting a sick, nasty BJ from another man? Do we really need another Halo or Madden game on the market when we don’t have a single homoerotic oral sex simulator? No. Let’s get it right people. You wanna fix the economy? Fix the housing/mortgage crisis in America? Do you want our soldiers out of Iraq? Call your local congressman and demand what all freedom-loving Americans want…a Wiiware download where you use your Wii remote as an anal or oral probe.
-Brian R.

saving sega

Capcom announced Mega Man 10 today for WiiWare which is pretty awesome. I'm a pretty big Mega Man fan, so it's always nice to see more of a classic. The game will have the old-school 8-bit look, which I still commend Capcom for doing with Mega Man 9. Updating the classic gameplay for newer generations has given us some good and some not so good Mega Man titles, but how many times have you ever seen a developer actually go back to what made the original titles so good in the first place?

Sega, out of any publisher or developer, has had one of the biggest falls from grace in video game history. And while their hardware decisions in the mid and late 90's had the biggest impact on the company, Sega has fucked up even bigger with some of their biggest money-making franchises. Obviously the first thing that comes to mind is Sonic and the fact that there hasn't been a great classic Sonic game in over 10 years. Somehow Sega makes money off of the mediocre and shitty Sonic games they put out and continue to drag this legendary gaming icon through the mud. The closest attempts at classic Sonic gameplay recently seemed to be the Sonic Rush series, and even those took too many steps away from the original formula. But what if Sega just went all out and made a Sonic the Hedgehog 5? All sprites, all midi. It would cost them nothing and they could release it digitally at $14.99 and make a killing.

What about Golden Axe? The first 3 were classics (I was lucky enough to play the 3rd as a kid through the Sega Channel), but I remember for the Saturn title, Sega decided to make a fighter. It could have been cool, but it kinda sucked. And then after a 10 year hiatus, Sega put out Golden Axe Beast Rider as if to say "Hey, remember those really awesome Golden Axe games you used to play? Well this game is a bomb that will destroy every good memory you ever had about the series...fuck you." Why doesn't Sega just made Golden Axe 4 and give us a proper beat-em up. Or better yet, Streets of Rage 4!

Anyone remember Sega's laughable almost-attempt at a new Vectorman title?You can see why this piece of shit got cancelled...at least they came to their sense with this one. They still managed to fuck up classic franchises like Shining Force with bland titles that had nothing to do with the original games for the Genesis and Saturn.

The point I'm trying to make is that Sega needs to stop trying to find shitty new ways to ruin classic games and just go back and pretend it's still the early 90's. When Golden Axe Beast Rider was announced, nobody got excited. Nobody cared. All you had to do was look at the game and see that it wasn't Golden Axe. If Sega wants real Sonic fans to get excited about the next Sonic game, maybe he shouldn't look like fucking Taz. This could easily become a two-part blog, but I'm going to stop myself now before I start thinking about all of the ways that Sega has let me down.

-Brian T

Glitching is for Pussies

It has been a couple of weeks since I have written my last blog entry. Main reason being I am getting fucked in my ass at work, which has left me little time to do so, and the little time that I do have I would rather be playing video games then writing about them. I am sure you all can understand that. The only game that I have been playing since November 10 is the new Call of Duty, and I am sure the same goes for most. It is an awesome game all around. The campaign is good, most of the special-ops are fun, and without a doubt the online play is amazing. But like any game it isn’t perfect and it mainly isn’t the games fault itself.

The fault comes from the douche bags online that can’t just play the game the way it is meant to be played. What am I talking about? Let’s start with the huge increase in the amount of faggots running around with grenade launchers now. I guess since they can’t rack up kills with the martyrdom perk, they need to just run around blowing everybody up. Then there are the douche bags that do nothing but run around with the double shotgun setup and do nothing but try and stab you. Why would you want to do nothing but run around and stab people? How could that be any fun? If anything it is just fucking annoying. It goes against the entire concept of the game. You remove any skill or challenge that you would face if you just played the game the way it was meant to be played. And last but not least the gayest of them all are the idiots who run around using the javelin glitch. Their goal is to run and try and stab you, and if you kill them while the glitch is in affect it automatically sets off the javelin. The other thing they try and do is find your spawn point so they can run in and kill themselves along with 3 or 4 of your teammates. What the fuck is this. This is all bullshit. Play the fucking game right and stop being such pussies. I cannot stand people who fucking cheat. Grow some balls and play the game fairly. Your numbers don't mean shit and the win is worthless if you have to cheat to get it. And just in case you don't know what I am talking about here is a video of the javelin glitch.



So can all of this be overcome? Of course it can. If you are good and can play the game right, then these pussies don’t stand a chance. Let them continue what they are doing because other then pissing me off, once the game is over I still come out on top, even with their bullshit tactics. I can only imagine what kind of shitty numbers they would put up if they weren’t doing this.

I am curious to know what you all think about people you meet online. Also I am curious to know what you think about the maps on Modern Warfare 2 because if you ask me I think they are just mediocre. Comment back and let me know.

FYI for everyone. If you are like me and sick of these cheating bastards, report to Microsoft that they are using the javelin glitch and they will get their xbox live accounts banned.

-Brian R.

More SSFIV

So...Black Friday. What a disappointment. I only made 2 game-related purchases, but I did manage to snag Samurai Showdown Anthology (PS2) for $20 which is sweet because it's out of print and usually sells for around $50 on eBay. It would've been nice to pick up New Super Mario Bros. for the Wii, but I guess I'll just have to wait on it.

Anyway, some new Super Street Fighter 4 info was released last week, and I can't help but comment. The addition of Cody, Guy, and Adon got me all pumped up a few days ago, and then this image...If you click on the image, you can clearly see Guy blocking a thrown kunai, which are the little daggers that Ibuki uses in Street Fighter III! This confirms that the final character announcement will include 1 more new character and more than likely 2 Street Fighter III characters. As a big fan of SFIII, I'm glad to see that Capcom is actually listening to their fans. Ibuki, Makoto, and Dudley are the 3 fan favorites, so in addition to Ibuki, I assume we'll be seeing at least 1 of the other 2.

I'm already thinking ahead with this game and I wonder...will we see a third version of Street Fighter 4 hit stores? We got 5 versions of Street Figher II, 3 versions of Alpha (4 if you count Gold), and 3 versions of Street Fighter III. They could potentially add every character they missed in Alpha and III, plus new ones. The current character total is 31, with 3 more left to be confirmed. Can you imagine if they added even more? Capcom could easily give us a 40-42 character game with a 3rd installment. But will people care?

I would love to see every Street Fighter character ever added to SF4...but then again I would also love a new Darkstalkers game. Or a new Final Fight game. Or a new Capcom Vs. game. Or a new Powerstone game. Or Rival Schools. Or hell, let's get a completely new fighting franchise going! I guess all we can really do is buy Super Street Fighter 4 to show Capcom that people are serious about fighting games still. The success of SSFIIHDR, SF4, and MVC2 should be plenty of proof, but it seems as though Capcom needs a bit more reassurance.

-Brian

lazy dudes

Thanksgiving week has always been hard on me as a gamer. All the commitments with the family/girlfriend/new in-laws tend to get in the way of being able to sit down and enjoy a game for 2 seconds. Add to that an insane work situation, and it's understandable that I haven't been able to really play anything the last few days. Luckily, I've got Black Friday to (kind of) look forward to.

For those of you who don't know, Cheap Ass Gamer is the place to go to find the best video game deals online or in-store. It's a wonderful place, check it out. They've got a huge article on the front page highlighting all of this years' game-related deals. Hell, I was I was looking up deals just now, I got distracted by Gamestop's Buy 2 get 1 free deal and am very tempted to get a bunch of super cheap games I've always wanted to play on the PS2. I saw NeoGeo Battle Coliseum and it was all downhill from there...

Anyway, I'm hoping to snag some sweet deals this Friday. And hell, if Amazon has Black Friday deals as good as last year's I won't even have to leave my house. Good luck to all of you out there Friday morning...be safe and don't be an asshole. Enjoy your Thanksgivings blah blah blah...

-Brian T.

holy shit

I got my first arcade cabinet last night. I was walking to work and saw that someone had left it out by the curb for garbage! I freaked out and tried to find a way to pick it up or at least tell some friends about it who could pick it up for themselves. Unfortunately I had no luck and had to just keep walking my ass to work. 5 hours later when I'm coming back home, assuming I'd missed an awesome opportunity, I saw it from a couple blocks away. I sprinted toward it, made some calls, bought some casters, and slowly moved that thing down the block to my house.
So now I have an old arcade cabinet in my garage...and it looks awesome. The cabinet and wood are both in fairly good shape. It looks like it didn't take too much of a beating during it's time in an arcade in the 80's or 90's before it was taken home. When I plugged it in, some lights near the buttons lit up, but I got no sound or video. None of that matters though because I don't give a fuck about Asteroids.

I am going to mod the hell out of this thing! I don't know the first thing about anything electrical, so I'm not even going to try to restore it. Instead, I'd rather replace the tv screen and upgrade the control panel big time. I wanna completely repaint the cabinet as well. It's always been a dream of mine to get an arcade cab and find a way to make it play Street Fighter. I'm thinking I should just completely gut everything and start fresh. Ideally I would like to be able to have games run off of a console in the cabinet that I could switch out whenever I wanted. I think the most difficult and expensive part is going to be the control panel...it looks like a lot of work to replace it.

Basically I just wrote this to express how pumped I am to get this thing and how excited I am at the possibilities. When I actually start working on it, I'll post updates on the progress. In the mean time, if someone knows how to mod arcade cabinets or can point me in the direction of some helpful websites, that would be very much appreciated!

-Brian

"clever wii pun"

Wow...so New Super Mario Bros. came out yesterday for the Wii and I didn't even know. Where the fuck have I been? How could such a major release of a new Mario game slip by completely under the radar? Hell, I love rail shooters and I've been pumped for Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles and I just found out that came out yesterday too. How am I missing these releases?

Well, to be honest with you, sometimes I forget I own a Wii. Games that I wanted more than anything to be good (Muramusa) ended up being huge disappointments at a time when I felt it was crucial for the Wii to get some must-have titles. I really enjoyed Madworld, but I played it for 3 or 4 hours at a friend's house and pretty much felt like I'd already beaten it. I'm pretty sure Sam and Max was the last new Wii game I bought until last week when I was able to snag House of the Dead Overkill for $12 new. Thanks to Cheapassgamer.com for that find. Are World of Goo and Little King's Story the only crucial games that came out since then?

We all know that Nintendo, as well as 95% of developers, dropped the ball with the Wii. Brian and I were discussing the Wii yesterday about how it was a cautious experiment by Nintendo to try something new that worked and got really big. The fact that Nintendo was basically able to nearly double the longevity of the last gen consoles (PS2, XBOX, GC) is a testament to that. No matter how you look at it, the Wii is a last gen system that decimated the 360 and PS3 in sales for 2 years. That is still impressive to me. Brian is convinced that Nintendo's next console could very well be the definitive home gaming console upon it's release and that Nintendo will once and for all take the video game crown. We'll see...but in the mean time I've got that damn system in my room thirsty for a few more gems before it's replaced.

There's still plenty of time and plenty of potential must-have releases planned for the Wii. New Metroid, Mario, and Zelda titles will ensure we get another 2 years out of the system before we get to see what Nintendo has in store for us next. What else is there though? Any RPGs on the horizon? Comment back and let me know! Help me catch up and get the most out of this thing...after all, I fucking waited in line in the cold on launch day for it. Also, get ready for a review later this week on my most hated Wii game...No More Heroes.

-Brian T.