Nobody Likes to be Ass Fucked

So I was just going to let Brian have the Left 4 Dead blog but with it being Halloween and all, and with my hate being so great for this game, I cannot resist. The problem is where do I start; and do I even fucking waste the time giving credit where credit is due?

I suppose I will start with the good, what little bit there is. Left 4 Dead has solid gameplay and controls. There you go, that is it.

What, were you expecting more? Like what about how the zombies constantly generate in a new place every time. Are you fucking kidding me? Is it mentally fucking possible to even remember where each zombie would generate from considering the mass amount that flock you at any given moment. Come on we are not playing Mario Brothers on the NES anymore. We have advanced enough to make sure that there is enough content in a game anymore to make it almost impossible to remember where enemies come from, regardless if it is random or not. Right or wrong, and that alone is not the only shit that was weak as hell in the game though.

Next we have the major lack of weaponry and the similarity and repetitiveness of every goddamn level. Does anyone remember in Clerks 2 when Randal described the story of the Lord of the Rings in about 1 minute? Well I will do the same but in about 10 seconds. Here we go. We start at the beginning, fill our ammo and fight for a health pack if we are playing co-op, regardless if you are out of health and almost dead, start running and shooting, and finally get to the last door, hopefully before some asshole closes it on you, and then repeat again. Fun right? Then there are the weapons. Talk about a huge let down, only 4 weapons and some grenades. Fuck the fact that the weapons are upgradeable; a fucking Uzi is a fucking Uzi. And really we should say that there are only 3 guns because who really tries to use the sniper rifle when you are being gang raped by a hundred zombies. Because of that this is how Left 4 Dead made me feel, gang raped for $60 worth of bullshit.

But we were all taught that we should learn from our mistakes. Hopefully Valve got this same life lesson at one point in time. In less than 3 weeks Left 4 Dead 2 will hit the shelves. Will I buy it though? No, but I am definitely going to rent it. I believe that everyone should get a second chance. Like I said the gameplay and controls were real good. If they add more weapons and change up the levels a little, then I think that Valve will have a real solid game on their hands. Lastly I didn’t think I should bring this up but should I mention that fact that Left 4 Dead 2 is probably nothing more than promised DLC for the original Left 4 Dead. Who else feels like this is a gang rapping? Let me know by commenting back.

-Brian R.