Tree Hugging Hippy Crap

I don’t know if anyone takes the time to actually read our blog but if you do kudos to you. So if you do then you probably remember a blog from about a month ago, give or take, that Brian T. wrote about in regards to a game on the PS Network titled Flower. For days all I heard at work was how amazing the game is and how I need to go buy it. Then he continues on to say that it is such an awesome game that he can’t even describe it to me that I should just go and buy it. So I did and let me say I am pissed that I wasted fucking $10.

Where should I start with this crap? First there is not excitement. You float around like a fairy traveling from flower to flower, and once you get to a flower I guess you use your magic fairy dust to make it bloom. Please note that one of the selling points for Brian T. was that every flower that opened there was the pluck of a guitar string. Wow talk about fun. Eventually you continue spreading fairy dust until you make the grand poomba of all blooming objects come to life, a tree. Second this game might be fun if you were 12 years old, had a vagina between your legs, and your room was painted pink and decorated with hello kitty fatheads. It’s fortunate for me that I have none of these things, making me have zero interest in this game. According to Brian T. you can find magic flowers in every level that will unlock trophies; but who the hell wants to keep floating around as a pedal of a flower for any given amount of time looking for the special magic flowers. Not me. I could barely choke my way through the first level from start to finish let alone waste anymore time looking for these mystical flowers hidden throughout the levels.

Even right now as I am writing this he is standing over my shoulder arguing with me about how “peaceful” the game is and that I am looking at it in the wrong light. Boo hoo because when I play a game there is nothing more peaceful then blowing some assholes head off with my ACR in Modern Warfare 2. I need some real action in a game, not this boring tree hugging waste of time that you get with Flower. I guess in order to enjoy this game you must either need be extremely stressed out and don’t want the aggravation of playing a real game, or you need to stoned, really stoned. Neither of those things happens for me. I can say that visually the game does look good, and it is probably the best use I have ever seen of the Sixaxis controller. But if you are looking for some real excitement in a game, I need to inform you that you won’t find it with Flower.

-Brian R.